Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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