my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I faked an abortion last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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