We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She bit a glass in half.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
