you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
