Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dicks are not precious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize