I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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