put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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