Did I show you my penis last night?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
