What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
