this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
