I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
