He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
