A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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