im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
