he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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