Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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