just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
