It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
do nipples grow back?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
