there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
