We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
