I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
