Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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