I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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