I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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