There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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