the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
