4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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