hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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