Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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