If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize