If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
