after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize