Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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