so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
