is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
