it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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