stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
