you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
