He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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