my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize