wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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