Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
from now on my penis is your penis
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
