Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
