I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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