I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
