I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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