He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
