As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
