I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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