I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
