Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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