I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
