Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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