I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
