I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
