guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
