at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
