do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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