Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
