last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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