She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
