i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You took a bar mat shot.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
