i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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