We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
