I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
