I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
