none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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