Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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