HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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