Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he thought i was a dude.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
