I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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