So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
