just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
