She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
