i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
