Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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