Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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