Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
