Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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