the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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