We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
