First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize