Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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