I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
