Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
as a side note pls kill me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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