thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize