Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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