Who wears a wallet chain?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
