theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
