I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
