I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
