well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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