not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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