My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
