I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
