I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
