Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
