Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
