I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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