I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
