I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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