you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
