Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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