So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
