I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
