i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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