Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
