just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
