So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
