The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
